Diagnosed With SCC

So, on Monday, August 22nd, I went in to get a Fine Needle Aspiration (FNA) with ultrasound of a lump on my neck.  It's just under the jaw on the right side of my neck.  I discovered this lump July 20th while getting ready for work that morning.  I didn't think much of it at first since I had no pain thinking it was an infection.  So I scheduled a physical for a month out since I was due for one and thought I would just wait til then to find out what it was.

Well, my concern got the best of me so I went to the Urgent Care the next day.  The doctor thought it could be an infection though I wasn't experiencing any other symptoms.  He gave me a 10-day course of antibiotics and told me that if it doesn't go away by then they'll to a CT scan.

Again I didn't want to wait around so I contacted my dentist thinking I might have an infection in my mouth or jaw.  I scheduled an appointment for that Monday morning, July 25th.

She did X-rays and an exam but couldn't find anything that would be causing this in my mouth.  She suggested I see an ENT.  So I looked up an ENT in the area and scheduled an appointment for that Wednesday.

On Wednesday, July 27th the ENT doctor examined my throat with an endoscope.  He didn’t see anything out of the ordinary internally.  He performed a FNA biopsy and ordered a CT scan of my throat with contrast.  I scheduled the CT scan for Tuesday, Aug. 2.  He told me to continue taking the antibiotics prescribed by the Urgent Care doctor.

On August 6th,  four days after having gone to get my CT scan, I received an email from the imaging company saying my results were available.  I logged into their website.  I pulled up my report and was excited to see the first few things were "normal" but realized that was just the beginning of the laundry list.  Eventually I got down to the bad part.  It said two of my lymph nodes were necrotic.  Didn't sound good but I didn't know exactly what that mean't.

I began doing research and was starting to believe that I might have lymphoma.  So I began researching that.  Needless to say it was pretty depressing, but I tried to remain optimistic until I spoke with my ENT doctor to get his professional opinion.  I thought to myself that if this is cancer that I'm relatively young and healthy and overall take pretty good care of myself.  If it is cancer, I can beat this.

So I called my ENT on Monday but they were closed.  I believe I left a message but then called again the next day and got someone.  I let them know I was interested in speaking with my doctor about my results.  They said that he has the results and would call me once he had a chance to review them.

I believe it was later on in that day he got back to me.  We had a conversation about the CT scan and said it really didn't show anything significant except the lymph nodes.  He said the biopsy he took was non-diagnostic and ordered another by another doctor that would do one with ultrasound to make sure they get the center of the mass.  He said if that came back negative for cancer then he would put me on a stronger antibiotics.  That gave me some hope that maybe this could be something else.

So, I kinda put my worries on the back burner til then.  No sense in worrying about something you know nothing about.

Well, Monday, August 22nd came.  Still holding on to the hope that this was something easily cured with antibiotics.  Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.  The doctor performed two FNAs and said she would be right back with the results.  I didn't actually want them that fast being that I had to drive into work that day.  I was hoping to get them the next day when I worked from home so I could process any bad news in a safe environment.  On the other hand I was so positive that this was nothing that I just wanted to get it over with.

She came back in a few minutes and let me know that the results came back positive for Squamous Cell Carcinoma (SCC).  I was kind of in shock at first and didn't really react much.  OK, I said, now what?  She said she wants to take a couple more samples to send out to the lab for more detailed results.  Once they get back in they'll send them to the referring ENT doctor and he'll contact me with a plan of action.  My wife and I asked a few more questions.  Then I just wanted to get out of their and on with my day.  It was going to be a long one.

I cried on and off on the way to work.  Of course I had to tell my boss because he knew I was going to be in late to go to this appointment and he asked.  Broke down then too.  I fought through that day tearing up from time to time in front of my co-workers and trying to duck out away from them to cover my sorrow.  After everyone left from my office I cried again, a lot.  I wrote my sister and brother an email and brought them up to speed.  I had to email them because I know if I had tried to call them I wouldn't be able to a conversation without choking up.

I was hoping I could put off telling my older son for a few days until I had gained some composure.  Unfortunately for me he asked me how the biopsy went before he went to bed.  I told him and was able to keep my composure pretty well.  He handled the news solemnly but with hope.

The next day I called my ENT.  I was told he has my results on his desk but won't be in until Friday.  They said they would have him call me as soon as he's had a chance to review them.  I didn't want to wait around for that either so I called an Oncologist's office the next day to try to get an appointment.  They didn't pick up so I left a voicemail.

I feel like I need to be more aggressive than cancer and get on top of this.  Besides, doing something makes me feel like I'm in the fight.  I will not give up on this.  I've always said that if I ever get a serious illness or injury that I'll fight my way through it.  I plan to keep my word, not only for myself but for my family.

I haven't told my younger, adolescent son yet.  I'm dreading that conversation.  I don't want his life to change.  I want it to be normal.  But things are going to change and he's going to see it.  I want him to know what's going on and be able to ask questions and know that he'll still be taken care of.

I decided to write this blog foremost to help me emotionally and mentally.  I've journaled before and it helps me to get things out and see them objectively, to process them and to gain direction.  I'm making them public so that others can read them and maybe gain something from them.  Whether it's inspiration, hope, information or even entertainment.  We're all destined to die, but I'm going to fight every inch of the way trying to live.