Taste Coming Back

I think it was about a week ago I was in the shower and I took in a mouthful of water to rinse my mouth out with.  I had been doing this when the thick ropy saliva started because flushing my mouth out with warm water was one of the few things that felt good.  Well this time the water actually tasted refreshing like water should, not metallic like it had tasted when I started radiation.  This was a very pleasant surprise.  Since then I had been taking sips of cold water throughout the day to freshen and sooth my mouth even though it would occasionally cause pain.

I've also been concerned about my teeth not having really used them in almost two months.  I figured if I could find some not so spicy gum to chew that would keep them as well as my chewing function in good working order.  So last night after work I went to the store and picked up some fruity gum with Xylitol as a sweetener.  I read that gum with Xylitol is good for people with dry mouth because they're more susceptible to tooth decay and well, gum with sugar promotes tooth decay.

So I got this gum and really didn't expect much as far as flavor but was willing to sacrifice that for the previously mentioned reasons.  To my surprise I could taste what seemed like the full, sweet flavor.  It was painful at first as the full flavor of the gum came in contact with the inside of my raw mouth but after a few minutes that wore off and I could enjoy chewing.  This gave me hope that my taste buds were returning sooner that expected.  Was I excited.

The next day I tried another piece and I had been thinking about how I could temper the initial painfulness of a fresh stick of gum.  I thought maybe I could soak it in water or even have my wife chew it for me to wear out some of the flavor.  No, that's too disgusting even for someone an pragmatic as me.  Then I wondered if I sipped ice cold water during the first few minutes if that would help.  So I tried it and sure enough it did.  I know it's small but being able to chew gum make me feel like I'm a little closer to normalcy.

In the afternoon my younger son made himself some frozen taquitos for lunch.  Now, I've been smelling savory, cooked food and have wanted to try some for weeks now, but the rough texture that that kind of food typically has has been keeping me at bay.  However, the flavor of the gum and the prospect of being able to taste savory food again gave me the courage to have a little taste.  I didn't dare sample the crunchy tortilla, but a little bit of the meat might be OK.  So I got a little pinch of the meat filling and cautiously placed it in my mouth.  Wow! It was amazing!  It tasted better than I remember it.  Savory deliciousness with a little bit of spice.  Of course it burned like hell, not from the heat but because of the condition of my mouth.  Oh! But it was soooo worth it and to taste real food again was wonderful!!!

I am so excited to have my taste return to me this soon.  I was worried that it would take months, now I am filled with a renewed vigor and joy with the idea that I may soon be able to not only eat again but enjoy food again.  This right before my upcoming birthday.  I could ask for a better birthday present.  As a matter of fact, that's all I wanted for my birthday this year was to be able to taste food again.

Now all I have to do is heal my mouth and get past this pain, then I can start eating all the wonderful things I've been missing and work on getting back all the weight I lost.  Speaking of healing, I've been examining the inside of my mouth this week fairly often and I've seen the sores, especially the one on the right side of my tongue, getting noticeably smaller.  So there IS progress.  I feel like I'm almost there.  If I could get there by next weekend, my birthday weekend, that would be the best gift ever.

Having Cancer Is Like 'Lord of the Rings'

I was thinking of the "battle with cancer" metaphor and now that I'm actually experiencing the "battle" I'm realizing that metaphor doesn't really work with me.  Sure I'm fighting cancer and it is a battle but in such a fight you would imagine your enemy to be more reactive, more of an active adversary counter-attacking as much as defending.  But it's really not like that.

So I started to try to think of other metaphors that might relate better to what cancer patients go through so that non-cancer patients could understand what this cancer-thing is all about.  After all, when I used to hear about people battling cancer I thought cancer was dealing all the heavy blows.  Turns out cancer is not much more than an annoying intruder that just won't go away.  Yes, it can eventually kill you but in the beginning it's just a bunch of cells replicating uncontrollably.  Which is bad but doesn't necessarily cause a lot of symptoms.

The real battle is dealing with all the weapons that you use to try to get rid of this passive-aggressive intruder.  Maybe a better metaphor is how Wil E. Coyote tries to get rid of the Road Runner by using all those over-top-weapons, only to be thwarted in the end.  Obviously that analogy isn't suitable since we can't have the Road Runner winning every time.

Then I thought that there must be some others out there that someone else has come up with.  Why re-invent the wheel?  So I did a search and the first result talked about how some see cancer as a journey rather than a battle.  While reading the article it dawned on me that trying to rid myself of cancer is much like Frodo's journey in 'Lord of the Rings'.  It's an extremely long movie but I'll keep my comparison brief.

You start off with finding you have The Ring (cancer) and that it's incredibly powerful and destructive which, as a result, needs to be destroyed.  You discover that it's not easily destroyed and the only means of doing so is that you, yourself must deliver it to Mount Doom (radiation/chemo) which itself is incredibly powerful and destructive and could kill you.

So you must take this journey of trials and tribulations (these can be anything from medical personnel to insurance, from side-effects to daily survival) to deliver The Ring to it's destruction.  You start the journey with Hobbits (family) and other races from Middle Earth (friends).  Along the way they lend you various levels of support and help you along your journey, but ultimately you must carry the burden, much of the time, alone.

You go though this journey never really knowing if you're on the right path or if you'll ever make it, but you have to keep going because the whole world (your world) depends on it.  Through all this you learn who your true friends and family are and even more so who you are and what you're made of.

One thing that's always there with you, by your side, is Sam (hope).  Hope of another day, of another month of another year.  To spend on your family, with your friends, your lover.  To see another sunrise or sunset and to live another day.

So you keep going, not sure what the next day will bring.  Whether it be one step closer to the end or your end.  Then, if you make it to the end, and (!!spoiler alert!!) complete your quest to Mount Doom and destroy The Ring, you'll have to escape it's aftermath.

Well, that pretty much sums it up for me in a nutshell.  To there and back again.

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‘It is not the strength of the body, but the strength of the spirit.’ – J.R.R. Tolkien