Awaiting Surgery

I can't sleep right now because I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and second guessing myself.  Let me back up a little,

On the 6th I got my scheduled surgery date of October 3rd.  It was a bit far out for my preference but I was hoping something would open up sooner.  I've spoke with my Oncologist and the other ENT since then and they seemed like that was an acceptable time frame but the tone of the voices told me that just barely.  So I've been teetering between seeming like that's a reasonable time frame and that's not soon enough.

Now I'm just over two weeks out and I'm wondering if I'm not being insistent, pushy or a squeaky enough wheel.  I think I'm a pretty patience and trusting person but I feel like sometimes those traits can be detrimental.  I don't want this thing to get critical before my surgery and set me back further.  I want to be on top of this and make sure this is being handled by other people (ie - doctors) with the appropriate urgency.

Since last Friday evening my throat has been a bit sore.  I don't know if it's actually gotten worse or if I'm just more aware of it now since I know where the tumor is.  I have to say my lymph nodes seem smaller and the swelling around them seems slightly decreased.  They feel less prominent, are softer and are less bothersome.  I'm hoping all the diet and nutrition stuff I'm doing is having this effect.  I'm also hoping it's having a positive effect of shrinking my tumor.  Maybe the discomfort I'm feeling in my throat is the tumor shrinking.  I doubt it, seems counter intuitive, but I'm hopeful.

My first ENT called me after he got the results from the PET scan.  He confirmed what everyone else said, that the tumor is on the right side of my palatine tonsil.  I asked him if he could be more specific on how big "small" was because that's what he told me when I asked what size the tumor was.  He told me that it was about 1 cm in diameter to 2-3 mm in thickness.  So, to clarify I said it's like 2 to 3 dimes stacked on top of each other, he said, "Yes."

Ok, so I kept my cool but he could probably hear the incredulity in my voice.  I don't think a tumor the size of a couple stacked dimes in my throat "small".  That, to me seems like it would justify a "medium sized" classification.  When he originally told me it was small I was thinking the size of a BB or at most a pea.  I mean, when he scoped my throat it was barely a concern to him.  I don't think a dime sized tumor would have been a meh moment.  But what do I know, I'm not  a professionally trained ENT.  Maybe they see this shit everyday.

Alright, that was a bit of a rant, but I feel it was justifiably so.  My Oncologist told me a story of a woman who kept going to her doctor for sores in her mouth for about two years.  Her doctor never looked in her mouth and just kept prescribing her drugs.  When she finally came to him because it wasn't getting better he said she had a tumor the size of a mushroom on her tongue.  So, compared to a mushroom, yes, this is small.  I guess people do have much, much bigger tumors now that I think about it.  Still, I think a dime sized tumor is more significant than small, but maybe that's just because it's mine.

I do feel better for getting this out of me.  Maybe I'll call my second ENT tomorrow and at least let him know that my throat is noticeably sore now.  He'll either reassure me or maybe it will concern him, but I should hold any information back.  I think that would be the wise thing to do.